


not going anywhere

by ellemoana



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and attempted humor, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, not beta'd so forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellemoana/pseuds/ellemoana
Summary: When your relationship is at it's breaking-point, you go for a walk. At least, that’s what Danny did but upon his return home, he finds a police car and his door wide open. You don’t realize how much you love someone until they're gone.





	not going anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> **Side-note: while I think they'd make an adorable couple, this is purely fiction and not based on actual events.**

The silence clouded over them, as Danny’s chest heaved and the tears in his eyes threatened to fall. He could feel the sharpness of his nails digging deeper into his palms, the sting acting as his purpose, the courage he needed to be strong in this fucked up argument he was having. His partner of 2-years, Roy, stood on the other-side of the kitchen counter, eyes ablaze and lips curled. This was most likely their breaking-point, the point of no return and while they had been fighting an awful lot over the past few months, the thought terrified him. He knew the love was there but it was just so fucking hard to rekindle the spark they shared when they found every excuse to argue over anything and everything. As of now, he didn’t know what the argument was about, they had all become blurred in his mind. While it should bother him, he was too busy preoccupied with the words that Roy hurled at him: I’m sick of your shit, Danny! I really wanted Henry to be right but, right now, I-I want you gone.

_I want you gone._

Danny closed his eyes and stumbled back, his gut twisting painfully and his heart pounding erratically in his chest. Without a word, he spun on his heel, reached for his wallet and headed for the door. He roughly tugged his favourite coat off the hanger, not caring when he heard a tear from the expensive leather fabric. It was a birthday present Roy had made for him, the previous year.

‘Danny, where are you going?’ Roy called from the end of the hall. Danny stopped, his hand on the door handle. He couldn’t help but notice the exasperation in the older man’s voice but there was a hint of regret and Danny looked at him through his curtain of hair.

Roy was uncharacteristically small, standing alone, at the other-side of the hallway, wearing nothing but sweatpants and one of his favorite hoodies (Roy made it look better, in his opinion). He knew that Roy was short and tiny in stature, compared to him, but the older man knew how to hold himself, his admirable confidence and I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude made up for his smaller build. However, now, Roy just looked vulnerable and if Danny didn’t know any better, he could’ve sworn he had seen a sort of plea in those dark, swollen, eyes.

_I want you gone._

The sting returned and a small amount of blood stained the insides of his fingernails. ‘I’m going.’ He growled.

‘Where?’ Roy asked, stepping forward, cautiously, as though any second Danny will flee like a hunted deer. It was a fair assumption.

Danny glanced out into the darkness and sighed, he didn’t know. ‘Home.’ He blurted out, knowing the effect it would have on the older man but instantly feeling guilty at the flinch which crossed Roy’s face, 'I don't know, just, not here.' He added, hopelessly, anything to reassure the panic bound to cross his boyfriend's face. He hated Roy worrying for him, he didn't want to be the cause for concern but, he also needed to get out. Perhaps, he could go  _home_ , to his mom's or the Pizza bar a few blocks away or anything that wasn't  _here._  He didn't know but that didn't stop him from fleeing into the winter night; he fought the tightness in his chest as he trudged further into the dimly lit street.

He must’ve been walking for hours, not that he’d know, he had forgotten his phone behind. While he should’ve been walking in the direction of a bus stop or better yet, the train station, he decided to go in the opposite direction. It didn’t feel right going back to his mom’s now, as much as he missed her, all he really needed was time to clear his head. It didn’t bother him that he missed his train and in the end, he found a small park bench, overlooking a darkened fountain. He stared into the water, reflecting.

They had started their relationship, publicly, a year after Shane was crowned Big Brother Queen. The support they had received from their family, friends and fans was overwhelming and mostly positive. Of course, there were those who called the end of their relationship after 2 months or criticized the move as a publicity stunt but they could care less. The love they felt for each other was raw, strong and oh so refreshing from past relationships. Over the course of the year, they were inseparable and were constantly photographed together during night-outs or just hanging out in public. They were happy. Then, Henry came along (not that it was entirely his fault but Danny needed someone to blame). When Adore’s, then, album went platinum, she had gone on tour around the world for 4 months and while the separation was tough, Roy had found himself growing closer to his fabric cashier, Henry. Needless to say, Danny was jealous. It had seemed that Roy’s attention was captured entirely by the dapper young man. It didn’t help that they barely found time to be together and due to clashing schedules, Danny’s pent up anger only grew whenever he saw Roy and Henry on social-media. The effects of this caused a strain in their relationship. It wasn’t until Roy had once compared him to Henry that everything had gone down-hill from there.

Danny let out a shuddering sigh as he leaned his face into his bruised palms. His cheeks were cold and it reminded him of the time he and Roy had gone for a walk last winter; he had been complaining that his cheeks were icy and Roy had taken off his gloves to warm them up... along with his lips. He smiled at the memory, it was after they had moved in together.

The reminder made his heart ache.

He longed to go back to the times where they were happy, he missed when it was just _them._ He thought of a reality where they were no longer together: they wouldn’t meet up for New Years or Christmas again, wouldn’t mention each other on social media or laugh the same way again. Things would be awkward, the friendship they once had would suddenly be gone and his heart nearly gave out at such a horrible thought. He fucking loved Roy, his mind repeated, as he failed to wipe the tears from his face. A life without Roy was not worth living because if it wasn't for Roy and Bianca, he and Adore would have ended up three-metres below ground. He owed Roy everything because Roy was his everything and if he lost that- 

His heart threatened to break. 

Just thinking about it was too much, as Danny strained his neck to find breath for his otherwise collapsing lung. It reminded him of a fucked philosophy, he had heard over the years, which was now beginning to resonate with him: you don't realize how much you love someone until they're gone. And suddenly, it was all so clear, this was his epiphany. He ran home, his feet ached but his heart was beginning to heal. He screamed into the darkness, a few cats hissed, some people shouted but his words persisted as they echoed across the streets.

‘I’m not going anywhere!’

However, as Danny reared towards his street, his lungs bursting for an entirely different reason, he caught sight of a flashing police car and a black sedan sitting outside his home and his heart stopped. Time seemed to have slowed as he neared the stairs and found his door wide open. _Roy._ God, please, please, no, he prayed; the first time since he was four, as the blood drummed in ears, blocking out all sounds. The hallway, the one where he had left Roy, was empty and cold. His words caught in his throat, frightened of what would or wouldn’t answer back. Just before he entered the living area, he closed his eyes. One… two… three… he counted. Then, he entered the living room, for the first time in his life, unwilling to face the music.

‘Oh god, Danny!’

He tentatively opened his eyes, painfully aware of the body pressed into his own as the arms tightened around his upper torso. It was Roy and he was sobbing, hysterically into his neck, gasping for oxygen as though he had been deprived from it for so long. Behind Roy, sat two police officers and _Henry,_ they were staring at him in shock and relief. What the hell happened, he wondered.

It had seemed as though Roy had read his thoughts, it wasn't the first. ‘I-I thought you died, Dan. I saw the news and you were supposed to be on that train and I just-’ Roy couldn’t bring himself to continue, his knees buckled and Danny held him tightly, reassuring him that he was still here.

‘I’m here, baby.’ Danny whispered into his partner’s ear, almost carrying Roy towards the sofa, holding him close as the smaller man nearly crushes him in return. ‘Hello officers, I’m, uh, a little confused right now.’

The female one smiled, tightly. ‘I’m relieved your safe, Danny,’ the smile from her face soon faded as she continued, ‘Your partner called us in after an incident he believed you were involved in. A faulty track along the Purple Line was the result of a train crash at 7:43, tonight, killing 30 people and injuring 57 others at Western station. Were you at Western station, at any time, tonight?’

Danny shook his head. ‘N-no, I was meant to be there before 7:30 but I took a walk instead.’ The gravity of this situation shocked him. He was meant to be at that station.

The male officer sitting beside her, nodded. ‘I’m glad your alright, son. As you can understand, our precinct are light-handed at this time and they need all the help they can get. So, if there is no longer an emergency, we need to take our leave.' 

'Of course.' Danny replied. The officer and his partner rose to their feet, pocketing their small notepads in the breast pocket of their vests.He attempted to stand, to show them out, but Roy clung to him with such desperation, he couldn’t bare himself to pull away, ‘Thank you, officers but I-.’

‘I’ll walk you out.’ Henry supplied, rising to his feet as the officers and even Danny gave him a grateful nod.

When they were gone, Danny looked down at Roy who had now soaked his neck but had calmed himself down, at least, enough so that he wasn’t heaving for breath. Danny ran his hands across Roy’s back, his nose inhaling the sweetness of Roy’s aroma and he realized that - no matter how corny it seemed - it was the equivalent to oxygen itself. Finally, Roy pulled back but his hands remained fast on Danny’s wrist.

‘It's okay, I'm not going anywhere.’ Danny murmured, reminded of his epiphany from earlier, as he moved his hands to cup his lover’s cheeks. 'I mean it.' He added, determinedly, seeing the uncertainty simmer in Roy's eyes. 

Roy shuddered, leaning into the touch and closing his eyes as he pressed his lips against the inside of Danny’s wrist. ‘I thought you were gone, Danny. I thought you were gone and I- I’m so fucking sorry for what I said and fuck, I almost lost you today and I don’t even know what we were fighting about in the first place.’

It hurt him to see Roy look so torn. He took a breath. ‘I’m sorry too, for _everything._  I was just so fucking scared of losing you t-to  _Henry,’_ he said the name with a bit more venom than he should’ve but he didn’t care, ‘that I let my emotions get the better of me; I was jealous and angry and I should’ve talked to you about it. I just wanted, no, I want to go back to when it was just us.’ He admitted that it felt good letting it off his chest but he was ashamed that he hadn’t done so sooner.

Roy was staring at him, mouth agape. ‘You thought I was falling for Henry?’ Danny averted his gaze but nodded. ‘Oh.’ Roy whispered, ‘I thought you were getting bored of me.’

Danny snapped his head to face him and this time, Roy looked away.

‘You were always on tour and I know I didn't help with my tour dates but you seemed so disinterested whenever we were talking. Somewhere along the way, you stopped laughing at my jokes, stopped teasing, flinched under my touch and Henry, well, he was there, someone I could talk to but he wasn’t who I wanted. I only wanted you. I wanted my Danny back.’

They both looked down at their joined hands, sitting on their pressed up legs. ‘We really are fucking idiots.’ Danny breathed and his heart soared at the soft chuckle passing Roy’s lips.

‘No kidding.’ Roy squeezed his hands and then pulled away, reassuring him when Roy placed them against the back of his neck. ‘I’m going to kiss you now because if this is the universe’s fucked up way of making this a dream, I want you to at least know I love you.’

Danny impatiently tugged him forward and their lips crashed. It was slow and gentle but it felt like their first. It was like a spoken promise: this won’t be their last. When they parted, their foreheads touching and their breathing erratic, their moment was cut short when Danny could see Henry standing awkwardly in the doorway.

‘Fuck.’ Danny cursed, pulling back as he stared at the man in question. ‘Yes?’

Henry, startled out of his stupor, smiled, albeit uncomfortably. ‘Sorry, I just forgot my keys.’ He pointed towards the set of keys sitting on the coffee table, directly in front of them. Quickly, he retrieved them and took a few steps back. ‘If, uh, it makes you feel any better, I’ve been married for 4 years.’ 

Danny could only stare at him as though looking at an idiot, however, thankfully, Roy was quick to intervene. 'Henry, I think it's best if you go-'

'Oh, right, yeah, ' Henry seemingly remembered, he scratched the back of his neck as he started to turn around. 'I'll text you.' But he didn't sound sure. 

'He'll text you.' Danny said, noticing Roy and sure, Henry's surprise, 'I don't want you to end your friendships because of me, I'm happy, only if you are.' 

Before Roy could grab him, to kiss him senseless, Henry once again cut in. 'Right. I'll just be-'

'Just go!' Roy then shouted, perhaps, a little too harshly but he had just thought the love of his life had died and now, his friend was ruining his chance to shower his partner with love. Thankfully, Henry was quick to listen, however, nearly falling in his haste. Danny couldn't help but laugh and Roy was quick to follow. 

It felt lighter, he felt lighter and judging from the twinkle in his partner's eyes, Roy did too. As he continued to stare, a thought suddenly streamed its way into the forefront of his mind and he grinned, smugly. ‘So, if this was a dream, what would dream-Danny be doing right now?’

‘I can think of a few things.’ Roy returned, his hand travelling dangerously high against his thigh.

They soon found themselves stumbling their way to the bedroom, where they spent the majority of their night memorising each other's responsive sounds, the way they looked as they came undone and the undeniable look of love and admiration as they laid in bed, spent and lazily drawing lines against each other's skin. 

While they knew that they had a long way to go, they weren't going anywhere. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was in a Biadore mood (because of all dem Biadore content popping up on my Tumblr dash lol) and decided to write this - with the inspiration of a few songs. Also, I know nothing when it comes to LA trains and stations so I hope you just went with it. 
> 
> But, I do hope you liked it :) 
> 
> Leave a comment, tell me what you think, I'd love to hear back.
> 
> \- G.


End file.
